Sep
04
2012

9 Ways to Get Over Your Ex

Young woman with old dial up telephone.

The first time I got dumped I was 14. It was my first boyfriend and after about 6 months of dating, he walked me to class, handed me a note and that was it. Tears streamed down my face in math class as I read, “I feel like we’re just friends that hold hands.” In other words, Mr First Boyfriend dumped me because I wouldn’t go to second base with him.

The second time was my next boyfriend. I was 16 and we had been dating a whole year. He dumped me to “spend more time with his friends” which the next day I found out really meant he wanted to date a cute freshman that had been flirting with him.

Then when I was 30, my husband dumped me. So, it’s fair to say I’ve had some experience in this department.

(BTW, this is sounding like I’m a total hot mess, no?)

However, this post isn’t about poor me and all the boys that have broken my heart. Over the last few years I’ve received many emails from women all over the world, pouring out their hearts about some guy that dumped them. They tell me everything they did for this guy, that they are so broken hearted and they end the email with “please help me, what should I do?”

While every situation is unique, I’ve compiled a list of things that in retrospect, I’ve learned. I’ve made some mistakes in my journey to healing that have dragged out the process. But, here are the most important things I’ve learned along the way:

#1 Quit stalking him.

Don’t just unfriend him on Facebook, block him. Don’t google him, don’t drive by his house, don’t send him innocent “hi” texts, don’t tell your friend to tell him you’ve been thinking of him, nothing. Yes, it will be sooo hard. And you may slip, just just try harder next time. Think about this: Do you feel GOOD when you do any of this behavior? Do you think any of this is helping you heal, or helping him want to be with you, or helping anything? Truth: The only thing you’re getting out of this is feeling worse about yourself and your situation. Is that what you want? Your choice. No stalking, no following, no “checking in”.

#2 Give yourself enough time to grieve.

When my ex husband dumped me, and after the fog had cleared, I picked myself up and looked for the fast track to heal. I went to therapy, read self-help books, joined support groups, all the things I was supposed to do during a divorce. When people said, “The only thing that will heal you is time” I wanted to get all Chuck Norris on them and punch them in the face. I couldn’t control time, so I wanted that theory to die. I rushed through the healing process like a banshee and celebrated each month that went by, because to me it signified that I was that much better. Then one night I had a dream about him, that we were still married and actually happy. Talk about a tailspin. I was FURIOUS that I had been set back, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, I cried and frantically called my therapist. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS” I asked her. And she so calmly told me, “Remember when I told you the grief process is a process? You go through it over and over again, possibly for years and years to come”. Well, that was NOT what I wanted to hear. However…I listened and I surrendered to the feelings. Not right then and there, but over time. Reality was, I had lost a big part of my life. It was the death of a marriage. I am not superhuman, I cannot control my grief. Once I let that go, it got easier.

#3 Keep yourself busy.

This one  might sound a little cliche, but it’s helpful. Left alone with nothing but boredom and time, the mind can wander, we can start feeling like a victim and depressed, start scheming up ways to get him back, start plotting revenge or other non-healthy schenannigans. The best thing to do here is take out your calendar and start filling it up. Call all those people you’ve been meaning to call, start that new exercise thing you’ve been wanting to do, cook meals you’ve never cooked, volunteer where your heart tells you to, anything. An add on to this is to make plans for your future.  Set goals, break them down, plan them out. Strategize and list out your “hell yeses”. What do you want to do that you weren’t able to do when you were attached? This is your opportunity to do what YOU want.

#4 Look at the experience as a gift.

This might sound like the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard, especially if you’re in the depths of your break up, but hear me out. A change in perspective has the ability to move mountains. What if you could just think about what you’ve learned from this experience? You might be thinking, “Well, I learned that he’s a major asshole”, and that’s fine, but I want you to focus on YOU. What did you learn about you? What did you learn about relationships? About what you will and will not tolerate? What do you need to own? If all you can come up with are not-so-nice things about yourself, follow up each of those “learnings” with, “Is that really true?” For example, if you think that what you learned is that you’re just bad at relationships, challenge that with, “Am I 100% sure that is true?” My point it to think critically about the experience and take from it what you can do to become a better you.

#5 Don’t allow your ex to string you along.

I’ve been on both ends of this. The stringer and the stringee. Your ex may send you mixed signals or keep being undecided about what he wants. And you and your heart get bounced around like a ping-pong ball. Truth: Your ex may very well be confused, but he’s also getting his ego rubbed by you sticking around pining for him while he figures out if he wants to be with you or not. If the person stringing you along isn’t at least 99.9% sure he wants to be with you, leave his ass. He may be a master at giving you one glimmer of hope that sooner or later he’ll want to be  with you, but in the meantime it’s your heart that is being abused, neglected and disrespected. Total dealbreaker.

#6 Stop “being friends” or sleeping with your ex.

It still baffles me to no end when a woman is still sleeping with her ex, and is under the impression that this is the answer to get him back. Truth: He’s sleeping with you because you’re willing, not because he’s thinking about getting back together. I don’t care what kind of new tricks you’re showing off in the boudiour, he’s only in it for the s-e-x. What you’re getting is confusion, false hope, emotional chaos and maybe an STD because he’s probably dating other women. And the thing with being friends….what do we usually do with our friends? Confide, talk about who we’re dating now…do you really want to do that with your ex? Do you want to hear about which girls he thinks are hot on match.com? If you can truthfully say you have absolutely no emotional attachment to him at all, and it doesn’t hurt one bit, knock yourself out. But, in the beginning, when you’re still hurting and grieving, cut your ties completely. You need the space.

#7 Make peace with the fact that you may never be 100% over it.

I’ve written before about being totally and completely “over it”, and many times I don’t think people get to a place where they are 100% non-feeling about their past relationships. Perhaps it’s like scar tissue on their hearts….there is a great deal of healing, but there is still some residual sting associated with it. But, it doesn’t have to mean anything. It doesn’t have to mean that you still want to be with your ex, or still have feelings for that person.  It just means that you’re human, you had an emotional, probably intimate attachment to this person and that’s okay. It’s what you do with those thoughts is what counts. If the thoughts of your ex send you tailspinning into grief, or hating yourself for what you did in the relationship or because he broke up with you, that’s where it can get dangerous (see #9). But, if you still think of this person and have some minor hurt feelings over it, in my opinion, it’s normal.

#8 Allow yourself to be (are you ready…) alone.

(Is Kim Kardashian reading this?) Okay- if you’re someone who jumps from one relationship to another, listen up.  Dig deep and get honest with yourself about why you seem to always be in relationship.  For me, my hit-over-the-head-with-a-brick “aha” moment was admitting I was a love addict (yes, it’s a real addiction, not just a Robert Palmer song). It might not be you, but it’s worth looking into. Individual autonomy is imperative for a healthy relationship. If yours keep failing, perhaps it’s time for you to spend some time alone. To experience the lonliness, to find out what you really want in relationships, your life, your future. Are you in relationships for the sake of being in one? Because being alone is harder? Guuuurl, I’ve been there. Truth: You will spend a lifetime looking for “the one”, trying to make the relationship work, and pulling your hair out wondering what the hell is wrong with you or him. When the answer is there is nothing wrong with anyone except that you don’t know yourself yet. Which brings me to my favorite….

#9 Take inventory about how you feel about yourself.

The grand finale and what I think is THE most important thing in getting over your ex. I’ve written about this several times before, and even started a revolution with my BFF on the topic of self love.
The thing is, we get so caught up with the other person during a break up, and the relationship itself, that we tend to forget about ourselves. It might seem easier to try to control the other person, and to think “if only we didn’t break up- THEN I would be happy”. But, ask yourself, are you happy with you? Are you proud of who you are? Do you embrace exactly who you are, all of you- the good and the not-so-good?
How you view yourself, how you feel about yourself and the conversation you’re having inside your head about you, is a million times more important than any outside relationship. I don’t care who this guy is and how much you love him. YOUR love for yourself trumps him. Always.
Wanna get over him? Start with you. Wherever you are is fine. Perfect, even.

So, tell us, which one do you struggle with the most? Which one is the easiest? 

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49 talking about this

  1. Great posting! Breakups are hard. They hurt. I give myself 7 days. Seven days to mourn, daydream, rant, kick, scream, regret, toss out old stuff, sell the valuable stuff and drown myself in wine. After the 7th day, I’m not allowed to talk about “it’ or “him” anymore. Then I jump right back into the dating pool and fill up my social calendar.

    Jonez wrote on 9/7/2012 - 1:43PM | permalink
  2. thank you for this article – BF and I broke up yesterday but I am much stronger now; i think! same guy broke my heart 12 years ago. dont say it; my fault. I always loved him and will continue to do so but we are not meant for each other! so now the CLEANSING process :-) Peace and Love All

    Sunitha wrote on 1/3/2013 - 10:13AM | permalink
  3. What an amazing post! I’ve followed lots recently, but always ignored the bit where the writer says cut yourself off from your ex. U could never to it. We were trill friends spoke everyday etc he was just unsure what he wanted. For some reason the bit where you erode if he doesn’t 99.9 % want the relationship then leave his ass was wat needed! I instantly deleted his number, fb and told him I’m moving on! Hopefully this gas given me the strength I needed to to Do so thanks x

    Rinks wrote on 1/4/2013 - 5:20PM | permalink
  4. Thank you for this post! I’m trying so hard to move on but I’m stuck on #5 “allowing him to string me along”. I know it’s not right but the heart wants what it wants. I deleted his phone number and texts from my phone immediately after reading this. Baby steps :-) . I’m hoping that I’ll be better soon

    Alanda wrote on 1/26/2013 - 12:03AM | permalink
  5. hi i just lost my bf 1week after 3 years (. he was all sort of bad boyfriend) but i still fell in love with him and still is havibg problems dealing with the breakup . i dnt knw on which no . im in but im having swing moods sometimes i accept nd i move on nd sometimes i don’t i think im going crazy … and this weeknd im having a trip and its the first time im on my own … but i want him to tell me bon voyage ! :-(

    ilona wrote on 1/30/2013 - 9:16AM | permalink
  6. So amazing! I’ve been grieving for a week. Literally crying myself to sleep every night, and sobbing while deleting all of our pictures we took together. But this has saved me. And I’m crying now because I’m so happy that i stumbled upon it. Thanks so much for sharing!

    Gabriella wrote on 2/1/2013 - 6:10PM | permalink
  7. Thank you so much…loved it…i didnt have to delete him from my fbook, he did it…i cant stop caring about him but from today i will be least bothered about him but i dont know how to delete our pictures and all his sms’s but i know i can do it.

    Nash wrote on 2/11/2013 - 9:04AM | permalink
  8. This is a great post, thank you. I just had my heart broken into so many pieces. He said he wanted to be engaged 4 weeks ago after a 2 year relationship…and then two weeks after that we broke up because “he fell out of love” and didn’t want to drag me through if he didn’t love me. He was abused as a kid and I think the getting closer scared him, and he hurt me so bad. I decided to stop talking to him today. I thought I was getting over it, but the wave of grief and self pity that happened upon deciding to sever communications definitely cleared that up. Anyway, thanks for that article. Everything and any little thing helps when going through this. As this is my first huge breakup, I had no idea there was a world of people out there experiencing such pain…I will never be insensitive again.

    Nichole wrote on 2/12/2013 - 2:13AM | permalink
  9. I really enjoyed reading this as well. I was in a relationship with my high school sweet heart for almost 9 years…we have been on and off for the last two…so its been about a year since the ‘real’ break-up…he is now with someone else…I can’t help but sometimes see hhis profile pics with her…it makes me literally sick to my stomach every time and sends me into a deep deepp depression…I kEep trying to realize my attachment to him is of psychological nature but there is this voice in the back of my mind that keeps saying “he is your soul mate.” “You will never find anyone better.” I am filled with regret even though. I know it was just as much his fault as mine in regards to the demise of “us”. I’m working on moving forward and realizing there can be joy, beauty and love in my life.

    Lynn wrote on 3/4/2013 - 2:47AM | permalink
  10. Thank u for number 6 and 7

    dumisile wrote on 4/28/2013 - 2:14PM | permalink
  11. #6 and 7.
    Keep thinking that I have to be friends with him because we have a kid together. Well, that kid is a teenager and has his own ideas of what Dad is. I love this ” I’m more mature than he is and I’m 15!. He’s a chicken sh** selfish d***!” ..out of the mouths of babes! And I have said nothing bad about his father, I keep telling him he loves him. Haven’t said anything negative, he saw this all by himself!
    I actually thought about taking him back. OMG! What the hell was I thinking!!! Today he posted on FB about starting over. Sounding like some wounded creature. Saying I promised to change. WTF!!!!! 24 years together and I am grateful it’s over, even though he’s the one who left. Blessings in disguise!!!!
    Thank you

    Susan wrote on 4/30/2013 - 12:55AM | permalink
  12. _ I have been with my ex boyfriend for over 3 years. Each time we would break up and make up over the same thing: He just didn’t have any common sense. He was a push over , anything I say he would do , I did not like it one bit. It was all my fault to break up with him and then take him back . It was clear he didnt care much about getting me back seeing how he didnt do anything to get me back . And now that I am finally done , he laughs in my face and tells me he did everything and that im not worth it . When actually he did nothing at all . He came to my house to tell me he wants to talk and didnt say a word until 5 minutes before I had to go to work . I guess as im writing this it sounds stupid . to date a boy who acts like a girl . All he ever did was complain , nag , and really just do what most girls do . IM graduating from highschool in a couple of days, and he was my prom date , but i guess things change. its honestly time to move on . he never took me anywhere, bought me anything . Ive paid for his lunch , sometimes dinner, I was the man . All i ever wanted from him a THANK YOU ! but i never got it one bit .

    Anna wrote on 6/7/2013 - 10:11AM | permalink
  13. My boyfriend left me because he said i took him forgranted.
    We broke up when he went to california for a vacation.
    I miss him so much i keep texting him and calling him.
    He keeps saying ” one more chance” than later he says “maybe in the future”
    Is he mind fucking me?
    The time i said was “i miss you i cant let go” and his reply was
    “Sorry but i dont reply back because if i do, us breaking up is nothing. It just doesnt roll with me.”
    He said his goodbyes. I dont know what to do because i really miss him.

    Jessie wrote on 7/9/2013 - 2:49PM | permalink
  14. I just want to say that your advice is fabulous. This is exactly all the things i needed to hear at the right moment. Im going through a break up and although it is a grief process, i know, i really have been trying to use it as a time to reflect on myself and the situation. #4, 8,9, all greatly resonated with me.

    Elisabeth sanchez wrote on 10/5/2013 - 6:13PM | permalink
  15. Comment

    jane holmes wrote on 10/5/2013 - 6:35PM | permalink
  16. I left my husband because his family were using be and he began to do the same. I was treated like the maid. He waited 4 months before he decided he wanted to devote. After I left he never confronted me personally once, even the divorce was given through someone else. He has been an awful person and very cowardly. I don’t understand whether he divorced me or his family.

    It’s been 3 months since the divorce, we’ve not contacted one another but I feel so lost. I’m trying to forget. I know it will take time but I’m finding really hard to accept the way I’ve been treated. I didn’t deserve this ill treatment.

    I’m not sure what to do with myself at the moment. I keep my mind occupied, but when I think of him I completely breakdown. It would have been nice if he confronted me properly. I know after I left in those 4 months I said some horrible things to him… It wasn’t wise but I was upset. It was a really difficult time for me.

    All I want is to forget but to be honest I can’t forget him because deep down I know there was a good side to him. He cared for me he just didn’t know how to balance his family and me.

    Now, it’s all over… I need help to move on with my life.

    Naz wrote on 10/25/2013 - 3:34PM | permalink
  17. I have been divorced for 2 years now, after a 23 year marriage. I cannot get over him, I still see him lots and hang out as friends, but everything you said is true. I wish I was still married. I am a strong person, I came alone to this country from Europe and was doing great. Now, I am not so great, I like being married and it felt comfortable. Now I think I am worthless – nobody wants me and I am really afraid of a future alone. I have one 19 year old daughter who is everything to me. I feel that all my life I have lost things that were dear to me. I left my family when I was young, my husband left me and eventually my daughter will move out and start her own life which is normal. I just feel I am nobody without a man on my side, I totally miss it, I don’t know. There is my heart and then my head, two different feelings, I know all the stuff I should do but my heart is not always where it should be I still miss him tremendously. I have a hard time moving on and I know I am not free of him yet. I just miss my little family – it was comfortable and good (well not always) but now in my mid 50ties, I feel that there is nothing good coming. And yes, I work full time and also have a little part time job to kill my time as I am lonely. I do reach out to friends, but many of them are women and I miss being with guys.
    I know this sounds like everybody else but it seems that I was always dumped, always. It hurts….

    Gerdi wrote on 10/26/2013 - 7:47PM | permalink
  18. “Dr. Ola Matama I love to be on your testimonial page to spread my happiness. Your hard work and effort is greatly appreciated especially from me. My girl-friend is back home. We are back together. I’m picking her up from the station today. I haven’t saw her in 6 years. I wasted so much time with other spell casters and should have stuck with you originally. You are a truly gifted spell caster and I just wanted to take the time to show how you and tell the world how grateful I am”thanks to Dr. Ola Matama, contact him if need his help. olahinduntemple@hotmail.com

    Alex David wrote on 11/5/2013 - 11:29AM | permalink
  19. This is the best and most helpful article I’ve read thus far. Thank you I needed this.

    sandra wrote on 11/8/2013 - 8:54AM | permalink
  20. #5 Don’t allow your ex to string you along.

    STOP talking to him

    mich wrote on 11/10/2013 - 1:10PM | permalink
  21. I cant get over My ex boyfriend but i stil love him

    Gianna wrote on 11/11/2013 - 3:36PM | permalink
  22. I struggle with all of them, because I feel as im nothing, I can’t forget him, I dont want to think about him,

    kimberly williams wrote on 11/30/2013 - 10:10PM | permalink
  23. wow. The advice sounds great and seems so hard. I find it hard to grieve a relationship… I found it easier to just rebound… I know that will only mess me up more. I gona try these steps but what could I do when this hot new guy asks me out?

    simanyene wrote on 12/17/2013 - 12:41AM | permalink
  24. I am only13 and I was in love and I think this will help thanks

    Breann wrote on 12/19/2013 - 11:26AM | permalink
  25. For me personally, number 9 is the most important. I never thought of it before, but I’m not happy with myself. What makes it harder though is that I have kids with this man “2 boys” and I don’t know how to go about being civil and talking to him proper for the kids sake. I so wanna get over this, and it’s only been 2 weeks but it feels like a long time. We live in the same area, I bumped into him yesterday and I didn’t know how to react, he greeted and asked if he could accompany us “was with the kids” and I just ignored him didn’t even make eye-contact with him. It was very hard, my emotions were all over the place, heart beating so fast. At some point I even contemplated suicide and he knows about it, but I do think we better off apart “he’s not good for me” despite that I love him

    Lucia wrote on 12/22/2013 - 6:03AM | permalink
  26. I dead inside and out for the the last 7 to 8 my girlfriend of 4 years and the only woman ill ever love truely I feel like I can never trust again. We just had a beautiful son and she moved 160 miles away back with her mother. I tried everything I let her be a stay at home mom and didn’t ask for anything in return till I relized she never fed me cleaned the house. Witch she blamed on me not taking care of my son. Yet the place was never clean before she even got pregnant. I just got done reading a thing about emotional abuse and I’m so confused. Did she feel that I was. Is that why shes had such a easy time leaving me? cause she felt I was but honestly I feel that I am abused. Still to this da and to top it off I cant get her outs my mind. Almost every thing I see touch taste I hear the question in my head man I bet Tabatha would love this. Then I weep like a little hitch. Then smile seeing that shes happier without me atleast I think so. She makes it apparent that she wants nothing not even a chivalry friendship from me. Example this is my sons 2nd Christmas she always wants to buy him more presents then he will know what to do with. So I tell her I haven’t bought his gift yetwould you like me to get something off your list. Responds yes. Lastnight I am told I can come spend Christmas with my son. Yet I want to get her a gift as a friend and ask permission. She denies stating she only has me around for Jonah’s sake. Yet to me that contradicts basically to me it says. No Jonah will not see a proper relationship between his mother and father with respect and love. Just like she was without father. I almost feel he was driven away to look like the crazy drug addict dude that hes not I don’t know though. Growing up like that did it make it ok in her mind that she needed to leave me after getting stressed from a dirty home that I bated as well just didn’t feel my job to do if she wanted to play house and make the nest. Will this result in the same way with my son and his relationships when he grows. 2 so I get to go there no friends no family mind you I don’t have any here at home either due to my depression and choices past 8 months since she stole my son from me. Pay for somenof her presents to him and watch as what my son has learnedly to call a family open presents and be joyful as I gibe and Recieve nothing cause I’m only allowed there for my son. Sorry so long I’m breaking down and don’t have anyone in my life to confide in that dosn’t hates. Her anyway lost confused and feel like giving up I felt this was my only chance. Please help me I feel like I should go to be with my son but like I said I feel abused neglected and in turn I don’t even have my family to help me. They want me to help myself but I don’t drive I am unemployed since break up and almost feel like not doing anything is the only thing I can do. No motivation and noneone will even give me help I feel like ive been screaming for it for months now and all that got me was a DV with my brother that neither one of is violent people stuff just happens more stress more typing sorry. Help me decide see son ignore abuse or sit here in this bated town and rot either I feel will be the end of my ride. Again sorry for small book.

    Stephen J Goldsmith wrote on 12/23/2013 - 12:52PM | permalink
  27. Trying to follow those 9 steps right now. Husband walked out on me without even a note saying good bye.. He turned his back and never spoke to me again. Still don’t know what I did so badly for him to treat me this way. Thought I was going to die from a broken heart, but moving on. It’s been 4 1/2 months.

    Ellen wrote on 12/23/2013 - 11:10PM | permalink
  28. My ex was a fraud, who pretended to be in love with me to get what he wanted, and then he pulled the fade away break up. I found myself in disbelief when I realized that I was caught up in a fantasy. That he never loved me, and nothing was real. He used the power of suggestion, to inflame my imagination, which was very intoxicating, got me hooked, and then turned off the switch, leaving my heart in utter confusion and darkness. I was with him for 2 years, walking around in a fantasy, in my own head, naive as all get out. So, how dose someone like me get her mind wrapped around what has happened, that I was taken on the ultimate roller coaster ride, unable to get off, until HE was ready to stop the ride, because I was addicted to his love, lies, BS111111

    sherry wrote on 12/25/2013 - 12:56PM | permalink
  29. I am a junior in high school and I dated this guy for two years. We have EVERYTHIHG in common. Except during our softmore year we had a really big tradgey and one of his close friends died and he changed. for the worse I might add. he turned into a total jerk. he told me I wasn’t there for him and he stopped talking to me for a little. than he made a bunch of new friends. they are all the popular people. I have my set of friends im not popular im happy with who I have in my life. Okay so than he started getting really cocky and he met this girl. She kind of stole his heart basically. Than my grandpa died the same year right after my birthday it was really hard for me and my family. we started fighting all the time and he said I was an emotional wreck and a bunch of stuff. I also am really insecure about my acne and stuff… than he broke up with me over a text… I find out that two months later he is making out with the same girl. He really likes her.. and I have tried to replace him with three guys and nothing has worked its a year later and im heartbroken and devastated. I miss him so much. but I know that we are no good for each other and I want to move on. I think I just need help. I hate being alone and I hate how he ignores me. he keeping playing me tooo… he says he loves me and than wont answer any texts or phone calls for weeks. He goes back and forth between me and this girl… like why is she so special. idk. im really down about this. I just want to move on.

    Maria wrote on 12/26/2013 - 6:40PM | permalink
  30. My ex and I have kids I dont know I dont know if I should make him stay away from us or his kids sometimes u uses our kids to get to me and that lets be stuff i have love for him but i dont love him I’m just ready for this to be over its been almost aa year and a half we cant take anymore of his lies and deceiving ways and after he gets done playing house my kids and I suffer

    mesha wrote on 1/4/2014 - 4:39PM | permalink
  31. This awesome. Its what I needed. I dated my ex off and on for 5 years. He is the only guy I was intimate with during the five years even when we were broken up. I just broke up with him because I found out he was talking to some girl he met on FB. He told me she was the one chasing him and there was nothing going on between them. So Last month he travels to his home country which is where the girl lives and barely even calls me while he was there. He comes back and wanted to pick up from where he left off like nothing happened. Only thing is something did happen between him and the girl because she posted a picture of them together saying “aren’t we cute” and my so called boyfriend responded “yes we are” That was it. I confronted him about it he started with I “invaded his privacy” bs. Then he said there is nothing between them. This continued for a month. I asked him over and over again. He kept denying it and at the same time liking the girls pictures on FB!
    So yesterday I was like I don’t need him to admit anything. I know what I know so why am I waiting for him to admit it. So I was watching the football game and a text came in from him asking if he could rent a movie on my prime account. I responded “seriously? NO!” Then I told him he should ask Sarah the next time he needs anything. I proceeded to call him a f–ng a-hole and a liar and told him to lose my number. He responded called me bitter and a psycho and I should lose his number too. I replied “Better. Your number is blocked!” Which I proceeded to do. It felt really good. So I am here looking for how I can get over him. I mean I loved him and we were together a longtime. I was just disappointed that he didn’t tell me he was interested in some other chick. One thing I have learnt is a-holes always come back if WE let them! Not any more.

    Madam wrote on 1/5/2014 - 5:08PM | permalink
  32. I currently going thru a separation, my husband left me for a girl with 3 kids and iT has been very hard to get over him. I always have been thinking that its my fault. I tried ti get busy and think about me and my lil one but it just too much sometimes….I think I really need to think about me and how much im worth.

    lola wrote on 1/17/2014 - 6:09PM | permalink
  33. I struggle more with loving my self I’m a mother of 5 4 by him and wen he was around it was all about him then my kids y I say him first cause my kids r num 1 regardless but he didn’t appreciate all of me I did everything wash clothes cook appoitments for me and the kids all he did to show me love is watch the kids any time go to the store and fix any electronic for entertaiment at home oh and smoke wee all the time I have a 12 year old he helped me raise her but never guide her drew her downs but always talk shit about what and how she go about life. about a month I kicked him out but now the tables turn I want him back cause it’s hard alone with 5 kids but he tired of me kicking him out I did it a lot 6 years ago until now I couldn’t hold my anger tours him so I kicked him out should I chase him back or not I feel so stupid trying wen I know I’m not the one to blame I’m confuse

    Lonely mom wrote on 1/22/2014 - 10:27AM | permalink
  34. Comment

    timpriss landrum wrote on 1/24/2014 - 9:02AM | permalink
  35. this hurts :-( , its sucks, me and my now to be ex are jsut about to be done, he just disrespects me too much

    Mia wrote on 1/25/2014 - 8:23PM | permalink
  36. It’s been about six months and I still haven’t gotten over my ex boyfriend. I was the one to breakup with him because I wasn’t happy and there was no trust left. He spun his web of lies around me and I dismissed it purposely. I kept making the mistake of chasing after him after I would break up with him… because he showed me he didn’t care so I wanted more to prove to myself he did care. After a while I cut the ties but he now text messages me once a week or so I know he is stringing me along but a part of me still wants him to want me. I want him to want me not because I want to be with him but because I never hurt him to not want to be with me. I hope these steps work. I shall withhold my temptations to respond to him.

    Lisa wrote on 1/31/2014 - 3:26PM | permalink
  37. Thank you Andrea! This was a crazy amazing article. Number 2 hit at me like crazy. That is what is happening to me right now. I am have been separated for 2 years from my Husband Divorced officially since August so only 4 months but I feel like even though I have done everything everyone says I should do I am still not over him. Specially lately I hate myself for even thinking about him. I thought I was past the grieving part and then I started dreaming about him and the dreams keep coming. I cant say I have done my share of mistakes along the grieving and letting go phase but I am trying. I will continue to try I just hope it comes soon.

    Michelle wrote on 2/8/2014 - 12:04PM | permalink
  38. Comment

    Name wrote on 3/3/2014 - 3:55AM | permalink
  39. Comment

    Rl wrote on 3/3/2014 - 5:54PM | permalink
  40. I still love him. I don’t know how to forget him, because I always want him. He dump me, say will not continue our relationship. whatever his reason, I only know he not love me enough. I have try the best to stay with him. Cry many times because we not suitable, and he not change, so I change. i follow his way. but all i do cant make him still love me. Each time think about it I only can cry. Even I know there is no future at our relationship, I still want be with him. He say ok but only for 1 year. I feel so bad. I cant appreciate myself with asking him stay with me. I dont hv any reason, I only know I love him and I want him. But I scare because I only have 7 month with him. If it is offer and I still love him.. It is nightmare…
    I know all I only need make decision to forget him, but I cant do it because I still want him.
    Please help me out from this maze.

    Yun wrote on 3/12/2014 - 1:39PM | permalink
  41. Pingback: Getting Over Your Ex … with a Book Twist | Talk Nerdy to Me

  42. Comment

    Mrs Sabrina wrote on 4/5/2014 - 5:46AM | permalink
  43. Definitely informative knowledge you’ll have remarked, thanks so much for setting up.

    Roberta R. Soto wrote on 4/29/2014 - 8:42AM | permalink
  44. Ok I read your post and while it helps me a little, I think my issue is a little deeper. I have a child with my EX and we have now been divorced for 10 years. We still talk friendly but everytime I think Im finally over him and let him go, He calls me and tells me that one of his friends saw a picture of me i guess on his FB and asked him if they could call me. He said no and threatened to kick this guys a**. After every conversation we have about my daughter or anything really he will tell me he loves me before we hang up. i have repeatedly told him and asked him to stop telling me that but he continues to do it cause he says he still does love me. He left me and our brand new baby at the time for some little 18 year old that he is still with today. I cant seem to get him out of my mind, no matter what I do. Im with someone else and we have twins together. I feel so bad and ashamed of myself. I just cant get over him. WHAT DO I DO?? Ive tried praying, Ive tried thinking about the pain he caused me and my daughter who wasnt given the chance to make a memory of her dad before he left us. I need help.

    Yvonne wrote on 5/20/2014 - 1:44PM | permalink
  45. very nice topic

    PLNDR wrote on 6/18/2014 - 12:17AM | permalink
  46. I just broke up with my boyfriend five days ago… I found out not only had he been cheating on me but he had a whole other relationship going on with this other woman. I’ve never been so hurt ever. I felt like a complete fool.. Anyways I struggle with facebook stalking and wanting to still be friends

    Jaime wrote on 7/23/2014 - 5:47PM | permalink
  47. i’m also a love addict.how do i cure this?

    mpho wrote on 8/31/2014 - 5:17AM | permalink
  48. Pingback: Are We Officially Dating Kickass | Dating Around Me

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