Recently I was overcome by a wave of gratitude about my life. It was one of those moments where I stepped back and took inventory of where I was. I had managed to accumulate everything I wanted. I realized my dreams had come true. It’s still in process, but if I died tomorrow, I would leave this Earth with complete blissful happiness and zero regrets. So, in my blissful haze I posted this to my Facebook status:
I received a few messages from people asking me just how I made this happen. So, I decided to tell you…
1. I settle for nothing less. My coach told me, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!” I try my best to make every decision based on that mantra. If I’m up against a decision to do something and I just have lukewarm feelings about it, it’s a hell no. I trust my gut here and it never lets me down. The more we point our life in the direction of “hell yeses” the more they will come to us easier.
2. I made the decision that it will happen. Many years ago I found myself crying in a heap on the floor of my bedroom. It was the moment I drew the line in the sand and said, “No more. I will not settle for a shit life anymore.” I worked tirelessly on believing I could make my dreams come true. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew it could happen.
3. I truly believe I am worthy. This was a key factor in the above paragraph. I had settled for the life I had before (as well as the relationship) because I didn’t think I could do any better. Translate: I didn’t think I was worthy of any better. I had tortured myself over mistakes I had made and allowed that to determine my worth and what I did and didn’t deserve. This is complete and utter bullshit. As long as you live and breathe, you are worthy of your dreams and happiness.
4. I surround myself with amazing people. Funny thing happened when I shifted my beliefs about myself. The Universe drop shipped like-minded people into my life. New opportunities arose, and my confidence gained momentum. It was no accident. I’ve made a conscious effort to let go of old friendships that weren’t serving me, and commit to new ones that are.
5. I’m learning to chill the hell out. This is still a work in progress, but a work that is oh-so important. I can tend to be melodramatic, anxious, and just plain nutso sometimes. Part of it is naturally how I am, and the other part is how I cope. When it’s used as a coping mechanism, it’s not serving me.
6. I refuse to focus or give power to things I don’t want. Obsessing on shit you don’t want? Guess what? You’re going to get more of that. Of course I still have thoughts. I might frown over my student loan statement. But, what I don’t do is obsess on the debt. I refuse to worry. Worrying is like praying for more of what you’re worrying about to grow.
7. I listen to my gut feelings. Lord knows I’ve ignored my intuition before. And every time it gets me into a huge mess. Recent example: The hubs and I + our 2 kids moved last year from California to Utah. We’ve been renting and recently got the ball rolling to buy a house. I got starry-eyed with the prospect of purchasing a brand new house (partly because you can get A LOT more house for your buck in cities other than San Diego), but I could not ignore the feeling that was telling me, “No. Not here.” I broke down and had to admit it to my husband that I couldn’t stay here forever.
And a bonus!
8. I accept that my life and my dreams are not a destination. The minute I think I’ve arrived, is the minute I stop growing. All of us have the ability to be life-long students of personal growth. No matter if right now you’re feeling stagnant or lost. In any hard situation we all have the ability to ask ourselves, “What am I learning? What about this is making me stronger or better?” Life experiences don’t need to be looked at as worthless if you’re learning. In fact, we don’t grow from the great, euphoric life moments. It’s the hard times that make us better.
So, I’m curious. What is something YOU have done to make your dreams come true? Or which one of these do you feel you need to work on?
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Ditto this list.
Add to it “treat myself the way I want to be treated.”
When I don’t take care of me – guard my boundaries, insist on getting paid, ignore my intuition to please others, follow paths that others want me to follow, don’t take care of myself physically, medically, emotionally, spiritually, don’t insist on competitive pay in my work, work for free, allow clients not to pay theirs bills, withhold simple pleasures like a lunch out, or refuse to pay for my acne cream . . ..
It all adds up to a giant message to the universe: I’M NOT WORTHY!
Oh how I struggle with this. The Universe is giving me ample opportunity to insist on better at the moment. Better people, better treatment, better boundaries, better pay, better work.
And it’s scary because when you need the money it’s hard to say, “I’m sorry this isn’t good enough, you’ll have to do better, this is my rate.” When you’re afraid of word-of-mouth it’s hard to show up at a deadbeat clients office in a bikini and say, “I’m not leaving until you pay your bill!” (It’s even hard for me to send a late notice and say, “uh where is my check?”)
It’s scary to tell the whole neighborhood that “No my children aren’t going to play with those kids because their mother screamed at me and sent me hateful text messages TWICE and I’ve learned who she is.”
And on and on. I keep knowing that once I make it clear to the Universe, I won’t be confronted with so many opportunities to put my foot down and declare I AM WORTHY AND YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO BETTER THAN THIS!
Love this, Tracee! Yes, I believe there are lots of “tests” out there. Situations where we have to make a decision. I’m learning to follow my feelings about situations like you mentioned. If it doesn’t feel good, what do I need to do to change that? Many times it’s uncomfortable and just plain SUCKS! But, I always learn from it!
My first step was a year ago, and taking care and control of my mental health. My family was against using medication, but my depression was destroying me. After this last year, I really wish I could go back to some people I knew before going to a doctor, and showing them “THIS IS WHO I REALLY AM!!!” I feel like I have been able to find pieces of me I had only imagined.
I am working towards pursuing an education I want, for a career I like. I am working on dealing with the side effects and consequences from leaving my mental health unchecked for so long. It is really hard, but most days I am learning that I can get through it.
Right now, i am slowly convincing myself I deserve to be happy and be in happy relationships/friendships. I do not have to take care of anyone, or be taken advantage of. I am also learning to be spontaneous. It is very new to me, but I am liking it.
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I’ve stopped worrying and it’s done me a world of good. Six months ago I would’ve been stressing about not earning enough money to cover rent and groceries each week, plus two huge bills I’ve got coming up, but I stopped worrying and I think I may have literally said out loud “everything is going to work out”. Come next week, I will be doing 60+ hours a week in two jobs I absolutely LOVE (the second is with a company I’ve wanted to work for for at least five years!)
I’m also starting to believe that I am worthy. I’m currently single and when I was in my previous relationship, I would always put his needs before my own, but now I’m looking after myself, indulging in a little selfishness because y’know what? I DO deserve it.
Andrea, I always love your posts and I am so excited for the Self Love Revolution! I just wish it could’ve started yesterday =)
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