Truth #1. You are settling somewhere in your life. It could be your relationship with your partner, your friendships, your job, the effort you put into your parenting, the amount of money you make or anything else. Somewhere in your life you said, “This is good enough” when deep down you know it’s not. You want more. You want something (or someone) better. Maybe at the time you settled you knew it was just temporary, and you vowed to change things later. Was yesterday later? Is it today? Guess what? You don’t have a time machine. Stop lying to yourself and get busy.
You can have more. You don’t have to settle for anything but extraordinary.
Truth #2: You are 100% capable of living your dream life, but fear has you captive. Your gremlin (aka the inner-critic) has you convinced- has you overwhelmed by fear- that you can’t live your dream life. That thing that you want is too hard, too scary, you’re too old, or not “enough” of something.
All of gremlin talk that is a bold-faced lie. Search deep down for the truth in your heart. It might be quiet, but it’s there.
Truth #3: The answer or solution to your happiness is not based on anything but you. It’s not going to magically happen when you lose weight. It’s not going to happen when you get married, or have a baby, or get a promotion, or any circumstance outside of you. Go ahead and try. Expect the magic to happen when you reach this marker. See what happens when the band-aid falls off of the gaping wound you have.
Truth #4: By not loving yourself, you are cheating yourself out of your life. Self-love is the fundamental ingredient in life’s happiness. Without it you will wander lost with a hole in your heart. Constantly trying to fill it up with outside circumstances or ways to numb it. Over spending, over eating, over exercising, drinking, relationships, or whatever it is you do to try to get the love you need. When all along….it’s in you.
Truth #5: You are truly an awesome, amazing human being. Yes, this is a hard truth. What would happen if you admitted this? What would change? What if you could look in the mirror and be 100% proud of who you are?
What could happen then?
Would you stop settling? Stop lying to yourself? Tone down the negative self-talk? Stop looking outside of you for happiness? Start loving you?
I challenge you to do this. Just take one. Let me know how it works out.
So, I’m curious. Which one strikes a chord with you? Does this post piss you off? What are your thoughts?
Nope, not pissed off. More like, BOO-YEAH, sista! Thanks for the reminder! It all resonates. Brilliant post!
I have taken a leap to live a fulfilled life, the process isn’t that easy or glamorous, it’s ugly as your layers peel away, you’re vulnerable, and everything shifts around you. I’ve also found that it’s always work in progress, it always continues. Gratitude carries you through some of the lumps and bruises. What I have gotten in pursuit of my dreams so far, has only been on the inside. People admire my conviction, or sometimes are vicarious with it, but the real jackpot is elevating closer to my dreams! I love this post and wish more people were willing to work on themselves on the inside rather than the outside. I do get pissed with the process and it never fails to be impatience behind that. Stay vertical, keep facing forward, laugh and breathe through your joyride!
Jen- YES! It *is* a process, one that never ends and impatience nags, doesn’t it
Love your comment!
Well, let’s see……..numbers 1 through 5! LOL. My bestie and I were just discussing this [again] last night. Thank you for the boost!
I think you hit a bullysee there fellas!
Wisdom – and clearly hard-earned. Thank you for sharing.
‘you don’t have a time machine’…no, we don’t. Which is why getting the dream life is not something than can concern those of us who are too old to start again and too burdened with responsabilities.
It is unpractical to believe that we can change for the best when said change would necessitate studying full time and there’s no money to even get by…let alone stop working and study. And who starts studying full time above the age of 40 when even young graduates are at no luck to find work.? again, it’s all fair enough to speak rosy…but realism is of the essence. People should not be encouraged to fool themselves. Falling from an illusion only increases the pain. illusions do not give anyone a dream life.
Hi madamedemerteuil1971,
Thanks for your comment! It sounds to me that you are 100% committed to that story. And when we’re committed to a story that says, “There’s no money to be able to go back to school” and “Even when I graduate I won’t be able to find work” and “People should not fool themselves” then you will absolutely find evidence of this. Your thoughts create your reality. I used to be the exact same way.
What if you could shift your thoughts? I’m not saying go from black to white it 2 hot seconds, but what if you could shift from the thoughts you’re committed to, to “What if I could?” What if you could slowly go back to school? What if you could go ONE inspired action step?
In my opinion, if you are feeling like a victim of your circumstances, you’ll be a victim of your circumstances.
By no means would I encourage someone to be foolish with their decisions, but there are ALWAYS options in our thinking. And just doing *that* can move mountains.
You hit the nail on the head with this blog post! WOW!
The second actually got me a little misty eyed, to be honest. I’m really guilty of coming up with fear-driven excuses as to why I’m not pursuing my dreams or achieving my goals, a lot of them revolving around me not being enough of something, like you said. The 4th is also a biggie, most definitely.
Celynne, you’re human! Start practicing “being enough”. Find a mantra, keep repeating it to yourself. What you’ve been doing is based on a fear driven belief, which I assure you can be changed!
Thank you for reinforcing my belief in the new path I have taken in my life. I recently decided to let the theatrical side of my personality shine. Something I have suppressed for the last 10 years because I bought into the lie that I need to be “professional.” Well that skin feels like the lie it is when I ware it. I am now free to be me.
Hi Amalie,
I bought into that same lie too. That I was “too much”. Too loud, too energetic, too annoying. Finally, I drew a line in the sand and said, “Fuck it”.
And today I have a business with the word “ass” in its name
Kudos to YOU! xoxo
This post is just for me. I feel it speeks to all we talked about this week. Thanks for making it pretty so I can refer to it often.
xoxo
This post really resonated with me because I recently decided to stop settling in EVERYTHING. Love, my dream job, hurtful/neglectful beahviour from others that I’m supposed to tolerate with a smile on my face . . . I just took a deep breath and said “STOP!” to everything.
I’m going pro with my blog. I’m learning to fall in love with myself all over again through The Self Love Revolution. I’m taking steps to create the dream life calling to me, dancing on the edge of my subconscious and daring me to go there. I’m daring. I’m daring. It’s scary, but super thrilling and rewarding.
So, lovely Andrea, you just affirmed that I’m on the right track with trashing the bullshit and going for gold instead. Thank you!
xoxo
Hmmmm… I don’t know if “settling” is an entirely bad thing. When I divorced my first husband (and THAT life was all about the bad type of settling…I knew it deep down then and I know it now…unhappy marriage, poverty, depression, desperation, blah blah blah until it all piled up so much that I couldn’t even see a way out….) and then remarried and had twins, we talked about buying a house. But even though we desperately wanted our own house, and we could have afforded one with some creativity, we decided we “couldn’t” and we found a cute little farmhouse to rent with our family of five children. All along convinced we couldn’t afford our own house and that we just had to wait until the time was right but having no idea when that time would be or really if it would ever be. Another baby came (to make six children) and still we waited. We were content (or “settled” and made ourselves be content) in our little old falling-apart but charming rented farmhouse on two acres even though we *dreamed* of more for ourselves, for our kids… And waited… And then things lined up and the time became “right” and we were able to buy a huge fancy house on 10 acres, a house we couldn’t have ever (really!) afforded in the past…if we had decided not to “settle” and had not found contentment and peace in our circumstances, we would have pushed and ended up crowded in a house a third of the size of this one with no land that we’d paid so much more for and we’d be miserable with no legitimate way out. (Doubt me? Explore the history of the MI housing market over the last six or seven years…) On one level get what you’re saying but on another level I think there are circumstances when “settling” and finding peace with what you’ve settled for is the only way to grow and move forward and reach your goals, even if that goal is just being peaceful and thankful for the blessings you DO have rather than what you don’t.
I have to agree sunshine. Settling may be a hard truth. However, having peace with what you settle for makes a difference. If you can find gratitude in what you have setteled for you have half the battle won. Giving up and being unhappy is one thing. Settling and being OK (at least for the moment) makes all the difference in the world.
Sunshine, I actually agree with you here. My point was for people to *think* about where they might be settling where they *can* actually make a move and don’t, usually out of fear.
I think it’s AMAZING that you dreamed of what you wanted, made peace with where you were and were able to make your dream come true.
It’s so great to see your approach to this all so beautifully laid out, Andrea. A lot to learn for everyone. Amazing! Thanks for keeping it real!
I relate to your posts and comments continuously, i made the decision to change my life about 2 years ago. i continuously try to think and speak positivly however when reading your post i realise i still have that gremlin inside that speaks negitively to me…truths 1-5 resinate with me but number 2 in particular…i want to follow my dreams but alway think i dont know ‘enough’ or am not good ‘enough’ and that fear of ‘failure’ scares me. deciding to change your life is a huge step and one that never stops challenging you. Im very glad i made the decision and am glad i have your words of wisdom to help encourage me when im feeling low. thank you xoxo
Geeee I was basically raised that I was not a nice person and loving myself was out of the question. I have come a long way in the past year (Thank you Andrea for making me kick my own ass and waking up to this new found attitude) but have much farther to go.
The next month may be difficult for me but I am SO looking forward to tomorrow and the start of The Self Love Revolution.
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This doesn’t piss me off. My not doing the things you’ve written about piss me off. I felt like you were speaking directly to me. How did you know I needed this??!! Thanks. I’m getting busy now….
The settling one definitely struck a cord with me. I feel in a transition state anyway but feel like I am settling with a possible career choice versus pursuing a passion…hm. This definitely makes me further rethink things. I really do NOT want to settle in life but truly live it for all its worth.
Thank you for the reminder!
@madamemerteuil1979…I am 44,single mom, working full time slightly above minimum wage and decided this fall to go back to school. It may take longer to get my degree, but I am going to do it. It is never too late.
@sunshine…sometimes settling is just the universe taking time to find your perfect one. I kept complaining about my apartment and really wanted to move. Our building got new owners, I was evicted. In less than 2 weeks I moved into a cheaper and much much nicer place. If you were looking around while you lived there, I don’t consider that settling, I consider that timing. Because the end results were worth the wait.
Some times I feel like I am settling at my job. I love my job, but I keep thinking I’d rather run my own business, I just can’t think of what I want to do. So, I work at my job, learn the skills I will need when it finally happens and keep my eyes open for opportunity. It is amazing how life works sometimes. A few years ago, I was ready to kill myself because of my financial situation, but now, even though it is not much better, my eyes are open to better outcome. And I keep reminding myself, if I survived that, I can survive anything.
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I love this. We live in a world of #1. Of comfort. Of control. Of fear. And oh how liberating it is to face f*%k ups as spaces to grow and learn. Number 5 rings a chord with me. Now, I am pretty awesome, and aging like a fine wine, but every time I hear, “Diane could do it.” or “Girl, you are so awesome.” … I reply with, “Nooooooo.” I can’t take the compliment without feeling really uncomfortable. So, that’s where I can grow. Graciously accepting a “hell yeah” without feeling obligated to immediately pass it off like it’s a hot potato.
I might add one number to this list. Truth #6. You chose to be exactly where you are. It’s a fun hat to try on, one that was suggested by Baron Baptiste during a yoga training. Kind of makes you take your choices by the horns. And win. Namaste folks. xo