How a Pile of Shit Can Teach You About Life
I admit, I am a powerful manifestor. If you have no idea what that is, basically, using the Low of Attraction, I have been able to manifest what I want in my life. I learned this by realizing I was manifesting exactly what I didn’t want for years. Once I turned things around, everything changed.
I love giving people evidence of this. In fact, I keep an evidence log of everything, big or small that I manifest. I encourage my clients to do the same. It shows us that the Law of Attraction is working for us.
Today I have a little story about manifesting shit. Shitty circumstance you ask? No, literally shit. It went like this:
It had been 2 ½ years since we had family pictures taken. In this picture, my daughter was 9 days old. Being 9 days postpartum, I was feeling anything but sexy. In fact, you can’t totally see it, but I have on a pair of cut-off sweat pants. If that doesn’t say, “J Crew style family photos”, I don’t know what does.
Ou last family photos taken in September, 2009
So, finally, I organized family pictures and got us all ready. That day, my husband and I had a disagreement. That doesn’t happen very often, so when it does, it gets me very out of sorts. I was mad that he was mad about something that I viewed as minor had happened. (Mad that he was mad. Good reason, no?) Didn’t he understand that this was my Mother’s Day present? Didn’t he know that we had to act like we love each other in these pictures? And can’t he read my mind by now? I mean, really.
To summerize, here is a text conversation from that night between my friend Rachel and I:
So, my daughter shit her diaper when we got to our first location. Of course we didn’t bring an extra diaper and wipes with us when we walked to this location, about a half mile from our car. Of course we didn’t think she would crap again for the THIRD time that day. And of course it was one of those shits that had seeped into her pants. And guess what color her new pants were? Yep. White.
We considered walking back to the car, but we would lose time and with the lighting all that stuff, we decided to wait. And if you’ve ever taken professional photos, you know the photographer wants you to get close to each other. No, closer. On each other’s laps. Even closer.
The whole time the photographer was shooting, my husband is muttering, “Holy crap, Sydney. You are ripe.” Or “This is probably the worst damn diaper I’ve ever smelled.” Those are the EXACT things you want to hear when you’re trying to look like a family that loves and adores each other, right? Snuggling, kissing, laughing and smelling shit.
Moral of the story- I manifested this. Now you might be thinking, “Lady, do you really think you control your daughter’s bowel movements?” Well, yes and no. On a regular basis, no. But, that day, yes. I was focusing on the situation not going in my favor. Focusing on the fact that this was NOT how I had wanted it to happen. If it had only been a different way, I would be happier.
The way the Law of Attraction works is that you get back what you’re focusing on.
So, next time you’re focusing on what you don’t want, don’t be surprised if you somehow get a big pile of shit in your face.
Here we are laughing about my husband's stinky neck
7 Ways to Make Your Dreams Come True
Recently I was overcome by a wave of gratitude about my life. It was one of those moments where I stepped back and took inventory of where I was. I had managed to accumulate everything I wanted. I realized my dreams had come true. It’s still in process, but if I died tomorrow, I would leave this Earth with complete blissful happiness and zero regrets. So, in my blissful haze I posted this to my Facebook status:
I received a few messages from people asking me just how I made this happen. So, I decided to tell you…
1. I settle for nothing less. My coach told me, “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no!” I try my best to make every decision based on that mantra. If I’m up against a decision to do something and I just have lukewarm feelings about it, it’s a hell no. I trust my gut here and it never lets me down. The more we point our life in the direction of “hell yeses” the more they will come to us easier.
2. I made the decision that it will happen. Many years ago I found myself crying in a heap on the floor of my bedroom. It was the moment I drew the line in the sand and said, “No more. I will not settle for a shit life anymore.” I worked tirelessly on believing I could make my dreams come true. I didn’t know how or when, but I knew it could happen.
3. I truly believe I am worthy. This was a key factor in the above paragraph. I had settled for the life I had before (as well as the relationship) because I didn’t think I could do any better. Translate: I didn’t think I was worthy of any better. I had tortured myself over mistakes I had made and allowed that to determine my worth and what I did and didn’t deserve. This is complete and utter bullshit. As long as you live and breathe, you are worthy of your dreams and happiness.
4. I surround myself with amazing people. Funny thing happened when I shifted my beliefs about myself. The Universe drop shipped like-minded people into my life. New opportunities arose, and my confidence gained momentum. It was no accident. I’ve made a conscious effort to let go of old friendships that weren’t serving me, and commit to new ones that are.
5. I’m learning to chill the hell out. This is still a work in progress, but a work that is oh-so important. I can tend to be melodramatic, anxious, and just plain nutso sometimes. Part of it is naturally how I am, and the other part is how I cope. When it’s used as a coping mechanism, it’s not serving me.
6. I refuse to focus or give power to things I don’t want. Obsessing on shit you don’t want? Guess what? You’re going to get more of that. Of course I still have thoughts. I might frown over my student loan statement. But, what I don’t do is obsess on the debt. I refuse to worry. Worrying is like praying for more of what you’re worrying about to grow.
7. I listen to my gut feelings. Lord knows I’ve ignored my intuition before. And every time it gets me into a huge mess. Recent example: The hubs and I + our 2 kids moved last year from California to Utah. We’ve been renting and recently got the ball rolling to buy a house. I got starry-eyed with the prospect of purchasing a brand new house (partly because you can get A LOT more house for your buck in cities other than San Diego), but I could not ignore the feeling that was telling me, “No. Not here.” I broke down and had to admit it to my husband that I couldn’t stay here forever.
And a bonus!
8. I accept that my life and my dreams are not a destination. The minute I think I’ve arrived, is the minute I stop growing. All of us have the ability to be life-long students of personal growth. No matter if right now you’re feeling stagnant or lost. In any hard situation we all have the ability to ask ourselves, “What am I learning? What about this is making me stronger or better?” Life experiences don’t need to be looked at as worthless if you’re learning. In fact, we don’t grow from the great, euphoric life moments. It’s the hard times that make us better.
So, I’m curious. What is something YOU have done to make your dreams come true? Or which one of these do you feel you need to work on?
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[Guest Post] How to Turn Your Life Experience Into a Kick-Ass, Life-Changing Message
Guest post by Michelle Barry Franco
Remember that moment in the darkness of your bedroom – 2am, wide awake and desperate for a change, a solution, some sign as to what you should do next… Then, suddenly – The Shift.
In one spin of the room, you knew that everything was going to be different. It was already different.
Or…
Maybe it was that day you decided that you had tolerated the crap, the mind-numbingness, the abuse… far too long. You stood up and walked out that door - for real this time – and sprinted (or maybe you limped) toward the life you knew you deserved.
Whether your kick ass life began in the depths of depression, as a dramatic move away from a relationship or work that ate away at your soul, staring in shock at your doctor’s grave expression, or some other unfurling…
You’ve got a powerful message to share.
That pain and struggle – that moment of realization – is happening to others out there right now. They need your story, your lessons, your encouragement – and then your coaching, mentorship, guidance, support. Your life-changing message matters so very much.
Wouldn’t it be so beautiful if your experience – your transformation – could serve their own kick ass life evolution?
It can. It should. There are real people out there desperate for your story, your message.
So, let’s get your story into that powerful life-changing message asap, shall we?
This way, you can start sharing it everywhere – and making lives better from it.
This process is a pretty deep inquiry that will lead directly to the essence of your message. Then, you will make a bold, radically clear declaration of Your Message (capitalized to indicate its stature and certainty.) So, get comfy for the deep dig – go someplace you can concentrate for a few minutes to get the most out of this.
Revealing Your Message
Answer these questions quickly, without too much thought. If it helps, ask them out loud and answer out loud. Then, jot down notes from your answer. (Sometimes we say things more easily than write them. Try it.)
If you were just straight up honest about it (no fear, no modesty), what does it feel like you were meant to do with your talents and gifts in this life?
What struggle have you experienced that you have overcome?
What is the problem that caused the struggle?
What is the underlying problem that really caused the struggle?
How is your life different because of that struggle?
How is your life different because you solved that struggle?
Who do you know that also struggles with this?
Are there groups of people who collectively tend to struggle with this issue?
What do you wish you knew “then”, that you now know?
If you were absolutely COURAGEOUS about it, what would you shout from the rooftops so that others could hear you about this struggle?
What one secret thing would you whisper in the ear of a person in the same situation you were in before?
Refining Your Message
Read over your answers above. Based on your answers, what is one sentence that represents your message above?
Now, check your sentence. Most radically clear Messages have these four qualities:
- It is easy to remember
- You can say it all in one breath
- It resonates powerfully with those who need to hear and learn from the message
- You are compelled to share this message from the core of your being. It is Your Message and feels that way.
Cut out unnecessary words, say the sentence out loud to see how it feels to you. When you can affirm the four qualities above in your sentence, write that sentence on a piece of paper.
Congratulations! That sentence is Your Message.
Don’t over-analyze Your Message too much at this point. Your goal is to get Your Message radically clear to you so you can start getting it out into the world.
Please note: a compelling, truly useful message will not resonate with everyone nor is it necessarily complete or catchy. In fact, there is plenty that a great message doesn’t need to or won’t do.
Things your radically clear message does not need to do:
- Say everything about your message
- Resonate with people outside of those who need you and your message (so don’t ask your brother or best friend what they think, unless they qualify as someone who needs this message!)
- Rhyme or otherwise be cute or catchy (though it can)
- Give away your solution
Your message will evolve as you do. Let this happen as you interact with those who need your message. You will notice words and feelings they describe that will help you call out to them ever more compellingly.
You have a powerful reference here in Your Message.
You will create speeches from it, write articles and posts from it, create web copy around that message.
In case you find it helpful as you refine your own Message, here are a few examples of others’ messages:
Passion Trumps Peace
You Deserve Shelter for Your Spirit
Life’s Too Short for it Not to Kick Ass (sound familiar?)
Your Message Matters (she writes, smiling)
Now, take out a clean, white paper and write out your message all pretty-like. Draw hearts around it – or birds or motorcycles or skull and crossbones, if you prefer. Just keep it nearby as a reminder that this is what you are here to say, THIS is the life-changing Impact you are here to make.
Remember, no one else can deliver Your Message.
Not one person who has ever lived, or will ever live, can share your message, your way, with your story.
This is why we need you out here in the world, sharing your message, making lives better.
And frankly, you deserve to make that Impact you so passionately want to make in the world. Now, get out there and make it!
Michelle Barry Franco, M.A., CPC is wholeheartedly committed to helping people with a message to share that message with the world authentically and powerfully. She has had the pleasure of watching hundreds of clients, students and workshop attendees turn their life experience into impactful presentations. Michelle is keenly aware that learning how to organize and present a life-changing speech is only possible when we ease our anxiety and stuckness around taking such big, bold action. That’s why she created The 10 Day Stuckness Cleanse, a *free* eCourse full of simple exercises that gently yet powerfully remove the mental and emotional blocks to sharing our message big, bold and courageously with the world. Get your free 10 Day Stuckness Cleanse directly to your inbox at www.michellebarryfranco.com.
5 Things I Learned From Leaving My Family
My sister, Judy and I at a dress store trying on the "best" dresses we could find.
Owning Privilege + Building a Body Loving Community
Guest post by Mara Glatzel
Having conversations about our most closely held secrets is not easy, and often discussing our bodies, sexuality, or our relationship with food falls carefully into the category of impolite dinner conversation. However, more and more often these private struggles are being made public online – an arena where both beautiful, supportive communities can be created AND a platform for people hide behind the comfort of their own computer screen, silently, or not-so-silently judging the individual sharing. These polar opposite reactions to our words can be equal parts devastating and heart-warming, permitting us, the writers and the readers, and opportunity to dig deep, reassess, and get very clear about what is that we are say, why we are saying it, and who we are writing for.
We cannot talk about our own body image struggles without discussing privilege, but this does not mean that we cannot own our own stories. Each and every one of us are a compilation of our own personal histories, and that includes both detrimental and protective factors. Too often in the body-loving blogosphere, we see people pitting themselves against one another or discounting the experiences of others.
I am fatter that you are, so you have no reason to talk about feeling fat growing up.
You aren’t fat enough to be fat-positive.
You are too pretty to struggle with an earth-shattering lack of self-worth.
If I’d had what you had growing up, I wouldn’t complain.
When we make statements like these, even in the private confines of our own minds, we are collectively missing the point.
Will a person who is naturally thin but hates their body have the same experience as someone who is obese and hates their body? No, definitely not. Someone who is naturally thin is protected from the weathering effect of being told that you are fat, ugly and worthless on a daily basis for the duration of your life. That is a fact, but that doesn’t discount the experience of someone who is deeply uncomfortable in their own skin, no matter what their size.
We are here to shatter the thin ideal, shoot holes in the patriarchal designations of what is and what is not beautiful in this country, and help people learn how to love themselves, no matter what the size of their body.
The sad truth is, an overwhelming majority of men, women and children in this country are bombarded with messages of being unworthy and unlovable on a daily basis. Many, many people hate their bodies, and yet, it is still contentious to talk about struggling with your body image when you are stereotypically attractive or privileged in that way without being disregarded entirely.
And yet, we must own what is ours. This comes part and parcel with being self-aware, transparent, and counting your blessings where you have them.
I, for example, want to be honest about the fact that while I have been obese since age seven – I am partially shielded from scrutiny based on the fact that I am White, pretty, and educated. This doesn’t mean that I haven’t felt pain, or that I haven’t spent many, many hours utterly consumed by my disordered eating. It just means that my experience isn’t going to look exactly like your experience.
When we dissect stories in an effort to either align ourselves with one another or knit-pick at differences to put a chasm between us and the undesirable, we are wasting precious time that could be spent banding together.
When we tell our stories, out loud, for others to hear, without shame or fear, we unconsciously give others the permission to do the same. We create a community of voices around lived experiences of impaired body image and self-esteem, and through that community we are able to collectively heal.
Mara Glatzel is a self-lovecoach and author of the bodyimage + authenticliving blog, Medicinal Marzipan. If you enjoyed this post, catch up with her (almost) daily body-loving antics and general rabble-rousing on facebook, twitter, or shoot her an email.
7 Ways You’re Giving Away Your Power
I recently received an email from one of my readers asking me about giving away power. That term gets thrown around a lot and it got me thinking: what does it even mean to “have power”? To me, power is the ability to create change in your life. Change for the better. Growth. It’s to be in control of your reactions and feelings. It’s to understand and accept who you are, what you want and to make no apologies for any of those things. Power is not about intimidating others or using aggression to get what you want. It’s about knowing your worth enough to ask clearly and with confidence for what you want. Because if you don’t, the answer will almost always be “no”.
Perhaps people are also unclear about what it really means to “give it away”. So, I’ve complied a list of things you might be doing that are clear indicators that you’re giving away your power.
1. Hustling for your worthiness: Brene Brown says, “hustling for your worthiness” includes, pleasing, perfecting, pretending and proving. In other words, if you’re not feeling that you are worthy of love and acceptance, you might find yourself going overboard trying to please everyone by doing things you don’t really want to do, or saying yes when you really want to be saying no. Perfecting is just that. Busting your ass to make sure everything is tied up with a pretty bow, hiding your feelings that might look “messy”, and working on making your outsides look like a million bucks because you’re afraid of what might happen if you actually admit that you’re falling apart inside. Pretending might look like saying, “Fine” when really everything isn’t. And proving is that constant needing to show the world what you’re doing and feeling, all in an attempt to cover up what’s really happening inside.
2. Tolerating toxic relationships: Everyone has someone in their life that ranges from not bringing out the best in them, to totally sucking the life and soul from them. It could be a family member, friend, co-worker, anyone. If you’re tolerating these people and their toxic behavior, you’re essentially giving them a part of you that isn’t being reciprocated. In other words- if you’re putting up with their bullshit antics, you’re crating a roadblock for the kind of relationships that deep down you really want and deserve.
3. Being overly passive: Some people are naturally passive. And if that’s your inherent personality, that’s a beautiful thing. However, when you give power away is when you fail to stand up for yourself. When you have that feeling in your body that tells you that you’ve been wronged and you do nothing about it. When you take shit from people and you know you shouldn’t be. This usually boils down to low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
4. Letting your dreams just be dreams: You have one, we all do. Maybe it’s not to be the next American Idol; maybe it’s to be happier. Or healthier. Whatever it is, if you sit around and wish for it, and your next thoughts are, “But, I can’t because……” you’re cheating yourself. You’re giving away your power to your inner-critic. You’re essentially spoon feeing it.
5. Being manipulated: (Oh man, do I have personal experience with this one.) Manipulators have one goal: to control other people in order to get what they want. The way they do this might vary (threatening, giving you guilt or demeaning you, or even flattery) but basically their goal is always the same. By not standing up for yourself, not setting boundaries, or by making excises for your manipulator, you’re giving your power away.
6. Not believing in yourself and/or not accepting yourself: Taking charge of your own power is determined by how you feel about yourself. You can basically use how you feel about yourself as a barometer to measure not only how much power you have, but if you’re going to use it. Every time you give you power away under any circumstance, you’re showing yourself and the world that there is room for improvement in the realm of believing in and accepting yourself.
7. Allowing your inner-critic to make decisions: If you live in a place where your inner-critic or “gremlin” as I like to call it, is on constant replay in your head, you are giving your power away. Your gremlin likes you to live in fear of the unknown, paralyzes you in indecision and keeps you stuck.
Bottom line: You have the power to create what you want. It’s inside of you. You are more powerful that you ever imagined. By giving it away, it’s like throwing your hard earned money in the air for others to take. Why not keep it and use it?
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How I Used My Resentment To Find Love (Guest Post)
Guest post by Ellen Hartson
Letting go of anything in our lives can be difficult and painful, especially when it involves relationships. Most of us have had to make some tough choices involving relationships, or at least experience the effects of others making these choices for us. Even though I was the one choosing to leave my marriage of twelve years, it was still extremely painful to go through the process of letting go.
My choice to leave came when I realized I had to accept my husband for who he was and stop trying to get him to change. I had been so angry for so long about all of the ways he did not meet my needs and all of the ways I believed he was WRONG. Once I accepted that he couldn’t be who I wanted him to be, I stopped being angry all the time. Of course, this is when the grieving began. But my purpose here is share how I used my anger and resentment to take me to love.
Reading Debbie Ford’s book The Spiritual Divorce right after my marriage ended was the first step that helped me look at how much I still blamed him for not making me feel loved. I began to realize that I had an inside job to do. When I got really specific about what I felt I had needed from my husband and what he wasn’t giving me, I realized I wanted him to “make me feel heard.” And yes, I now understand that no other person could make me feel anything. But I didn’t know that then. I really and truly believed it was his job. And the more I got upset about not feeling heard, the less he wanted to listen to me (imagine that)!
The following steps helped me to see the truth.
My first step was to spell out exactly what my resentment was. If you are doing this for yourself, write out what the other person “should have done differently.”
He should have listened better to how I was feeling about our problems. He should have validated my feelings and paid attention to me when I spoke to him.
Then I identified who I was being in the relationship. I listed every way I could think of where I was being demanding, needy, not listening to him, and acting out. Ouch! I forced myself to go back and remember times that I wasn’t listening to him. It was really painful to remember occasions where I yelled and screamed or acted really immature. I remember one time I yelled at him for using paper towels instead of the cloth dish towel!
Next, I took a look at how I co-created my resentment. How had I participated and contributed to “not being heard”?
This is where I had to look at the ways I didn’t listen to myself, to that inner voice, the voice that said I should not marry someone who….. I knew before we were married that I didn’t feel heard during some critical experiences, which I chose to ignore back then. I had to take responsibility for not valuing my own needs enough. I was in my thirties when I met my husband and believed I had to get married before it was “too late!” So now I had to go back and own that I was acting from a place of fear and lack, afraid no one else would want me. I had tuned out that important piece of my soul that longed to be with a partner who had different qualities or traits than he did. I was able to see where I gave away my power and settled due to my own insecurities.
The next step in transforming my resentment was to find forgiveness for myself. While it is widely believed that forgiving another person is what helps us let go of resentment, I found it to be even more important to forgive myself. I chose to embrace all the parts of myself that I had pushed away and rejected years ago. Instead of being ashamed of my perceived weaknesses, I learned to love myself more so that I could heal those places. I felt tremendous compassion for my insecurities. … and then I made an important commitment to myself: I would never again love anyone more than I love myself.
That commitment, and listening to my inner voice always, is a work in progress and I’m still learning.
The final step in my process of transforming resentment was to identify what I was still holding on to that needed letting go so I could be free to give and receive love from a cleaner place. This took some time, but I found that I had to let go of believing that it was ever anyone else’s job to make me feel loved or heard.
It was my job.
I also had to let go of any desire for my ex to “get it” or see where he was wrong, or even see my perspective. And since we are still raising our son together, this comes in handy now. I’ve learned to keep the focus on my business. And listening to and loving me.
Which is how letting go of resentment helped me find love. First, and most significantly, I have learned to love and embrace more places inside of myself. It feels much better to take responsibility for myself and how I show up in my relationships and make choices from that place. I don’t have to be a victim and hold on to pain or bitterness. And that has also helped me find love with a new partner. I’ve had quite a few opportunities to use this process with him when I’ve gotten upset or resentful. It always comes back to me. And that frees him to love me instead of being responsible for my happiness.
Ellen Hartson, (www.ellenhartson.com) combines twenty years of experience as a coach and therapist with her intuition and passion for connecting with her clients. Ellen teaches women how to overcome their internal barriers to love so they can have amazing relationships, starting with themselves first! She teaches them how to rewrite their “Love Story” using her powerful four-step process. You can download The Six Steps to Letting Go of Resentment here. You can listen to Ellen’s mini-class and get her worksheet here.
Turn Your “Mess” into Your “Message” for only $17
My new e-book is here! “How I Turned My Mess Into My Message: The exact steps of how I created power from adversity and how you can do the same”. This is an easy-to-read and follow, short e-book basically taking you through the steps of how I picked myself up out of a pile o’ crap and into a new, bold, authentic life.
Click here to read more: http://yourkickasslife.com/mess-into-my-message
What Other’s Are Saying
