I think I know you. You feel good a lot of the time. Most people think you really have your shit together, in fact many people probably come to you for help. And you’re probably really tired. And I’m not talking about the I-need-to-fall-asleep-now-to-a-Netflix-binge tired (that too, actually), but the kind of sick and tired that comes with trying and trying and trying to keep the facade up that you’re fine. The faking it that you’re more than fine, you’re great.

It’s not just tiring, it’s exhausting.

The hustling. The perfecting. The proving.
The pleasing. The performing. The to-do list.

And maybe you’re also a little pissed off (or maybe a lot). And resentful. And frustrated. And lonely. And tired of being praised for “being strong”.

You might think I’ve been stalking and spying on you, but the truth is I know this because I’ve been there. I spent over a decade of my life doing all the things I just described, and if I’m really honest, those are all things I still work on every day and practice a new way of life.

I help smart, high-achieving women let go of 5 big, default behaviors:

These women do these
things because they don’t
feel good enough.

And when they don’t feel
good enough their self-talk is
shitty and mean.

And when their self-talk is
shitty and mean,
they engage in those
5 behaviors. And the cycle
starts over.

As those behaviors are practiced being let go of—
courage is practiced instead.
And courage breeds confidence and happiness.

I do this by holding your feet to the fire and at the same time giving you a soft place to land. I’m half hard-ass and half sweet, cheerleadery grandma. And I can do all this because what I described above is the woman I used to be and courage is something I practice daily in my own life.

In 2007 I hit my own proverbial rock bottom. I was in the middle of a messy divorce (my husband had an affair with our neighbor and got her pregnant), and when we split I quickly entered a new relationship. 9 months later it ended when I found out he’d lied about having cancer to cover up his drug addiction, cheated on me, and conned me out of thousands of dollars. I had isolated myself from nearly all of my friends, plus I had quit my job and was moving out of my apartment to move in with him. As I layed on the ground crying in the fetal position of my empty bedroom, I knew I needed to massively change. I was in the worst circumstance of my life, and I felt like my soul was dying. However, I had a tiny bit of hope. That hope led me to ask The Universe for help. Any kind of help.

I was done trying to control my life and the people around me to make me happy.
I was done tolerating and accepting relationships where I was treated like shit.
I was done hating myself and where I was.

That day, I decided to take radical responsibility for my life.
I knew I wasn’t destined to feel like shit.

I knew I was destined for something better–greatness even.
But, I didn’t know how to get there…I needed help and support outside of myself.

And once I started this journey and the fog began to clear, I was overwhelmed with the feeling that there were women out there just like me. Maybe they hadn’t dated a guy that faked cancer, but I was sure as shit they had been through their own version of hell and were living every day just like I had been: hustling for love, perfecting, proving, performing, controlling, isolating, and numbing. Not to mention constantly comparing themselves to other women, thinking everyone else had their shit together except them. Feeling like they could never measure up, so they kept trying harder and beating themselves up along the way. What I just described is how I spent my life for about 15 years. The cycle never stops when you don’t know any other way.

If you’re still reading and this is you,

I want you to know there is a better, different way. It starts with how you speak to yourself every day.

Perfectionism, control, isolation, people pleasing and approval seeking, numbing and even comparing all start with the way we talk to ourselves. So, how is yours?

And sometimes it gets really hard when you first turn on the light to see what’s really going on.

But, I can assure you, once you nail down what courage looks like for you, start practicing it (every day) instead of all the other bullshit behaviors I mentioned, your life will change.

I have a terrifying phobia of zombies and pool drains (well, actually any kind of drain). Neither of those things can be trusted.

I hold a degree in fashion merchandising and worked for years in the industry which included dressing mannequins and windows.

I’m a runner, triathlete, and have played roller derby (my derby name was Veronica Vain).
I have an affinity for muscle cars and monster trucks.

I cry when I watch motivating sports videos for girls. I guess I just love female empowerment that much.

I have one tattoo on my foot that reads, “To Thine Own Self Be True” which I got in honor of my sobriety.

The sight and smell of BBQ sauce makes me sick. I will however, eat BBQ chips.

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